Does it really take a surgery to update the blog?

Apparently it does!!!

Grady had his cleft palate closed today, and according to the surgeon, Dr. Morton, he did really well during surgery and they had a lot of success closing tissue and muscle just like they were hoping to! Hopefully it will stay closed and the recovery will go well.

Grady pretty much hates surgery. He pretty much hates doctors. Despite his lack of food this morning, he was happily playing while we were in the waiting room. He had no idea what was coming.


Then we got taken to the back, and the nurse dared to check his vitals.


Then he got put into a gown, and was waiting around in preop. He got a little cuddly by the end. All the trauma and lack of food apparently started getting to him.




Finally he fell asleep. This was before any anesthesia or sedative.


Then we talked to Dr. Morton and met the very nice anesthesiologist. Ryan had actually talked to her yesterday because Grady got cold symptoms and a low grade fever, and we were afraid that surgery would be postponed. Fortunately, this did not happen.

After a little more than three hours, we were able to go meet him in the recovery room.


A little bit of morphine and he fell asleep.


He has been a little mad about having the no nos on his arms (he loves putting his hands in his mouth), but generally he's been ok. His brother came to visit (Jonah always gets worried when Grady has surgery. He doesn't like his brother to be in pain). Here he is showing off the gingerbread man he got in preschool today for doing his homework.


He is home with his daddy right now, and I know that he is sleeping peacefully in his own bed. He spent the night at "his best friend Jackson's" house last night (he never says "Jackson" only "my best friend Jackson"), and although it was very fun, between that and the trauma of the day, I'm sure that he is happy to be home. His sweet brother is resting as well.


I'm proud of my little boys. Sorry that Ryan is in none of these pictures! He was here all day, but he was taking the pictures and not getting bodily fluids all over him. That was my job!

Thanks everyone for the good thoughts and prayers. It's good to have another surgery under our belts!

Grady update (pre surgery)

I'm using this time in the hospital while Grady is snoozing to put some things up on the old blog that I have been meaning to for awhile. I wanted to write some things that have been going on with Grady BEFORE the big surgery today.

The most exciting thing for me was the day that Grady started walking. It was Veteran's Day, November 11, 2008. Grady was in speech therapy and didn't want to do what the therapist wanted him to do (sign that it was his turn to play with the toys). So, what he did was stand up and walk away from her independently across the room. Now, I know that he was supposed to pay attention and do what she wanted, but I was absolutely so excited to see him WALKING INDEPENDENTLY!!!! After coming home at 18 months very weak and not able to sit independently, and months of physical therapy through early intervention, he could walk. :) Here is a video we got of that milestone in November.




Grady is 28 months old, and on his last physical therapy evaluation, he was at the 22-28 month level for his gross motor skills. He has finished physical therapy and will now be receiving different services through early intervention. Way to go, sweet boy!!

Another thing that happened was that we went to the courthouse in Brighton and completed Grady's validation of foreign adoption in Adams County, Colorado. I couldn't get good pictures outside the courtroom. Here is all we have.

Yeah, they're not great, but it was yet another milestone completed!

Here are Grady's adoption journey milestone dates. These dates are so important to me. Adoption is such a special way to join a family.

9/17/07: We got Grady's referral from Deneice at Chinese Children Adoption International
9/24/07: After consulting with an international adoption doctor, we sent our Letter of Intent to adopt Grady to China
10/17/07: We were LID (logged in with our dossier to adopt Grady!)
10/18/07: We received Pre Approval to Adopt Grady
1/2/08: We received the Letter of Acceptance to adopt Grady
1/21/08: We received Travel Approval to go to China for Grady
2/13-2/28/08: We were in China to adopt Grady
12/5/08: We went to court for the adoption validation

I'm so happy that he is in our family and that he is making such strides in his development and attachment! I look forward to celebrating our first year family day in February!

Jonah-isms!

Another thing I wanted to document for later are some awesome things that Jonah says. I know that I can't keep track of everything, but some things just stand out. :) Jonah is very verbal and says some things that are just simply awesome!

When Jonah was very little (only 1) he was always really concerned about sirens. We told him that firetrucks, police cars, etc. had their sirens on because they were going to help people. One day, he dropped his toy he was playing with in the back seat. He asked me to pick it up and I reminded him that I never pick up toys while driving. After a pause, Jonah asked me if a fire engine could help him.

When we got the referral for Grady, we showed Jonah the picture of his brother. We were hoping that he would be excited that Grady was joining the family. I asked him if mama could love two boys. It just melted my heart when he said of course without a pause. He is a little boy full of love. Of course he sometimes gets jealous of his little brother, but all in all, he just loves him still.

One more quote that brought us a laugh happened on Christmas morning. Jonah was so grateful for every present he opened. It was so satisfying how happy he was. One thing I wish we could have caught on video is when he said in the middle of all the chaos, "Thank you, God, for telling Santa who makes good choices." Jonah already is developing such a pure trust in God. This helps him through his fears (and he does have a lot of fears). He uses his first memory verse from Community Bible Study's kids' class that he attends, "I am with you always, Matt. 28:20" to help him face his fears. And he has no problem talking to God. When there was a loud screeching sound in our house during one of Grady's physical therapy sessions and Ms. Sue, the physical therapist, and I were tearing through everything trying to find out where the sound was coming from, Jonah said, "God, please help us find the sound." Then he wondered why he was the only one who was asking God. He has so many deep questions like, "Why does God let tornadoes tear down people's houses?" and "Are dinosaur souls in heaven since their bones are on earth?" We don't always know how to respond to these questions since adults struggle to find these answers. But Jonah has no problem posing his questions to God. With his new fear that there may be scary dinosaurs in heaven (despite our reassurances that heaven is a nice place that he would want to go), Jonah once said out loud, "God, why do we have to die?" He was sad that God didn't immediately and verbally answer his question. I hope that we can live up to the challenge of teaching him what we can about his deep questions. He will probably be a student of God and these deep questions for years to come.

Christmas 2008!

Christmas this year was so awesome! It was great to celebrate as a family of four!!

We saw Santa three times (and wrote him a letter). This is how Santa knew to bring Jonah a Screaming Banshee (character from the Cars movie).

We went to Zoolights on Christmas Eve which is becoming quite the tradition.

We had a Happy Birthday Jesus cake after Zoolights at the Withers home which is also a regular tradition.
We had a wonderful Christmas morning at home, just the four of us.

Christmas dinner was with Dylan and Deb, but we didn't get any pictures!

We had a wonderful holiday season. We are a very blessed family.

Jonah update

I wanted to also put up a post about new things happening with Jonah since our last post. First of all, Jonah LOVES farms. We went to several farms with playgroup, church, and as a family over the spring and summer and Jonah was totally into it.

This is Jonah running so fast through a farm that I can barely keep up.

This is Jonah on the wagon riding home with all his loot (vegetables). Seriously, he really is good at picking vegetables.
This is Jonah pretending to ride a tractor at a farm exhibit that was outside of the Children's Museum this summer.

Jonah, Jackson, and I also visited and rode on Thomas the Tank Engine in September. Always a hit!
Another thing that Jonah tried this year is basketball. That was very challenging. There are many skills involved with basketball such as dribbling, passing, and shooting. He finds that challenging, but it was a good experience to at least try out a team sport. Jonah still prefers swimming, but we may try soccer next year.
He did, however, like to receive the Y Sports participation medal at the end of the basketball season. Having just watched the Beijing Olympics a few months ago, he thought that they were all gold medal winners.

Our Big Kid is in Preschool

Jonah officially started preschool on Tuesday. We went to the Open House the Wednesday before, and I left wondering what I was worried about. My child, the one who has only been pooping in the potty for about 2 months (although keeping his underwear clean for a year), inspected the boys' toilet, did all his business there (numbers 1 and 2), cleaned himself off, got himself dressed again, and washed his hands like a pro. He ate the snack, and inspected the toys. He is so happy that his "best friend" Jackson is in his preschool class.

On Tuesday, he was fine. I was slightly emotional, but much better than I was worried that I was going to be. Grady, Jackson's mom Marne, and I went and had coffee and a crepe at the Perk and Play coffee shop, and I couldn't believe how long Jonah was actually at preschool (2 1/2 hours can seem really long on the first day especially when I'm not really used to leaving him).

Here's some pictures of both Jonah and Jackson outside and inside the preschool (they would only smile in pictures of them together), and of the three of us inspecting Jonah's art work from his first day:


Jonah was pretty emotional (cried a lot and needed to be held) after he got home. Little things really set him off that day like his macaroni touching his grapes on his lunch plate. The wonderful thing is that he is so verbal he can tell me in great detail everything that happened with a little prompting on the way. For example, the teacher wouldn't let Jackson and him play with the dump truck, so they played with the bulldozer with another little boy whose name he doesn't know. There aren't wood chips but dirt on the playground, but there aren't trucks to play with outside. They sang "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" but didn't use motions on "Twinkle, Twinkle." You get the idea. So, I knew that nothing terrible had happened, but I know that my little boy has a definite streak of perfectionism in him. He was holding all the stress in of being in a new environment with new adults and kids and not really knowing what was expected of him. Then when he got home, it all poured out of him. I told him it's ok to miss his family, and that it's a wonderful idea to introduce yourself to new friends and get to know their names. We all went out for ice cream again to celebrate Jonah's "big kid in preschool status". By Thursday (preschool is every Tuesday and Thursday morning), he was a pro. He went in the classroom, I helped him find his nametag, he put it on a cubby, put his backpack in, went to wash his hands and sat down in the circle after a hug and a kiss goodbye. That's all our Jonah needs. To understand what is expected of him. My big 3 1/2 year old boy will thrive in preschool this year, I just know it.

Grady - Great news and he's two!!

Family picture at Grady's birthday party (8/16/08)

So, we had Grady's sedated hearing test on 8/13 (his second birthday), and he doesn't need hearing aids! I wasn't thrilled about putting him under again (and the hard part was this time I couldn't be there when he was put under which was not the case when he was put under for his surgery on 6/10 at Children's Hospital). The sedated hearing test took around two hours. When I went into the recovery room, Grady was really popular, and the nurses didn't want me to hold him. (I was so happy when they placed him in my arms so I could comfort him and feed him).

The audiologist explained that his hearing in his right ear is completely normal. It might even be better than normal, but she didn't continue the test beyond normal. The hearing in his left ear is slightly off, but she didn't think it was off by much at all. The reason could be as simple as the placement of his ear tubes. They will continue to follow him and have more tests because they want the behavior tests to match the sedated tests, but she really thinks that he will not need hearing aids. This is spectacular news!

He has definitely been making progress in his development although sometimes people don't notice, and it is painstakingly slow. The physical therapist is always very pleased with Grady's progress when she comes to see him each week. He is building up his endurance walking with one of us holding both of his hands, and he is able to walk a little bit with us holding one hand. He is able to stand for a few seconds alone. As far as his speech therapy, he is vocalizing to get our attention and to get things he needs, and he is able to use the "M" sound more consistently. He is able to do a few signs (although it is a lot of work, and he is very stubborn and only does them with much prodding). He can do "milk", "eat", and wave "bye bye", but this is a lot of work still to get him to do it. Instead of signing "more", he puts his hands in my hands to have me do it. I think he thinks that is what the sign is since I have been doing it for him, hand over hand, for so long. He is off the waitlist for speech therapy at Children's Hospital, and so the commute each way will now only be five minutes instead of thirty. I'm so proud of our little guy. I do get impatient for things to move more quickly sometimes. So many emotions all at once.

I was thinking about Grady's birthmother on his birthday. I wish I could tell her that he is fine and how much he is growing and changing right now. The gift that we have received from her is indescribable, and I wonder what she thinks of on 8/13 each year, the day that he was born and entered the orphanage. I hope that there is some miraculous way in the future for my boy to get to know his first parents. We did buy flowers to remember his birthmother by for his birthday. Grady doesn't understand yet, but Jonah knew that they were for "Grady's China mama." We'll see what Grady wants to do when he is more in charge.

Grady's favorite food ever is ice cream. His first toddler like temper tantrum occured after his June surgery when he had on his no nos. We were at the Macaroni Grill, and we were giving him some of the ice cream that came with Jonah's meal off our fingers. Boy was he mad that there wasn't more! So, for his birthday, we went to Red Robin for dinner and had ice cream for dessert. That definitely made him happy!

We had a joint birthday party planned for Saturday 8/16 with another little boy from playgroup named Connor who turned four the same day that Grady turned two. It was to be in our very spacious backyard and was to involve some actual games (like a three legged race). That was when the weather decided to be more Seattle than Colorado. Since living here in Colorado, we've become spoiled by the weather. It can pour buckets, but not for usually more than like 45 min and then it's done. Ryan and I have been at Rockies games at Coors Field when it seems like it is definitely going to rain out when the sun comes up, they lift the tarp, and they just start again. But on Friday the 15th and Saturday the 16th of August this year, it poured all day and the highs were close to 60. Connor's family was in the middle of a move to another suburb. Fortunately, my brilliant husband had the idea of asking the pastor and deacons at our church if we could move the party to the basement. Thank goodness they agreed, Ryan was still able to barbeque the brats and hot dogs under an awning, and the party went on. Both guests of honor enjoyed themselves greatly, and everyone else seemed to have fun as well. Enjoy the pictures that follow!

Mama, Grady, and Connor (the other guest of honor) and the cake

Sometimes all you need to have fun is a ball on the floor (notice the glee in his eyes - the child LOVES balls!)

Getting ready for the pinata

There were some games like Musical Chairs, and thank goodness my good friend brought the tent and tunnels, and Connor's mom provided a bouncy castle!

At first, Grady was unsure of the cupcakes that Mama and Melissa made...

But his opinion quickly changed

The other really cool thing that we just went by our 6 month anniversary of "Family Day". Grady came to our hotel room on 2/17, and he was officially adopted into the Self family on 2/18! What a miracle he is! Check out the "then" and "now" photos:

New Pictures!

I have finally updated my website. Just a few months behind on that whole thing... Anyway, the pictures from the first three months of the year are up, including the trip to pick up Grady in China.

Check 'em out at: http://ryankself.com/family/pictures/gallery16.php

Update on our family and Love without Boundaries

It's been so long since I've posted. Please forgive me for being so out of touch!!!!

Check out how well Grady is doing:

This picture is of him in the parent/ tot swim class. His lip looks so good (thanks Dr. Morton!) that people comment on how it doesn't look like he had surgery so recently and he looks so good. I didn't use to have much faith in plastic surgeons (I thought they were all about boob jobs), but I'm so happy with the great job that Dr. Morton did (and will do in the fall again). Plastic surgeons do really good work!!

And here is a picture of the boys at the Fourth of July:

Notice the tee shirts they made with Ryan at our friend Lana's house. She is so creative! We had a lovely Fourth of July at Georgetown again this year. It is so nice to do small town things for the fourth of July. There was a parade (with fire department and all), activities in the downtown, hanging out and playing games at James' parents house there, and watching fireworks from their porch. Thanks so much for letting us crash your family event yet again!!!

We are so happy to have Grady in our family. Here are some things we're currently trying to figure out.....

1. Incorporating Grady's birth culture and language more in our family. I recently went to an open house at the Joyous Chinese Cultural Center (Chinese language and dance school located at our adoption agency). We're thinking about that for the future. We also went to an open house for a K-8 Charter school located here in Aurora called Global Village Academy which has a bilingual Mandarin/ English program as well as an IB program. I know, I know... Jonah isn't going to kindergarten until 2010.... but what can I say?! We're trying to be prepared!! That school seems exciting, too. We also went to the Dragon Boat festival which they have the last weekend in July in Denver every year.

2. Figuring out how to proceed with Grady's current needs. We still don't know the extent of Grady's hearing and implications for the future. He is scheduled for an ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response test) on his birthday (8/13). Basically, he will be hooked up to electrodes and the test will find out how much he is hearing without requiring any response from him (hard in young children). We will see where to go from there. We will find out if he needs further hearing tests, hearing aids, etc. He is currently receiving physical therapy once a week and everyone is so happy with his progress!!! Today he was independently pushing around a push toy (even with an ear infection!) He is also going to speech once weekly. He has just starting using the "m" sound! They are anxious for the results of the hearing tests as well.

3. Caring about other orphans. There was a missionary at our church this Sunday who works with orphans in Myanmar. We would love to do something in another country with orphans for a year or two if it works out.... maybe when the boys are in middle school??

But this is the other main point of my post: We can all do a little something to keep kids from being orphaned in the first place!!! Many rural families put their kids in orphanages because they can't care for their needs. Some of the kids I played with in an orphanage in Morelia, Mexico were there because they were getting fed there. Many kids in China are put in orphanages because their families cannot afford their medical care. We'll never know if that was the case with Grady's biological family, but it is something I wonder about. I wish that we could tell his biological family about the care and love that he is receiving now and let him get to know them as well. However, this is not something that I can do.

However, something we can all do is contribute $1 for the new Love without Boundaries Unity fund. I know that many of you have heard about my admiration for Love without Boundaries. Before we went to China for Grady, I sent many notes on Facebook to help Love without Boundaries get a "cause" award from Facebook....which they won. They help orphans in China with their medical, nutrition, foster care, and education needs.

Now, they are raising money to provide needed surgeries for rural kids in China to be able to stay with their families!! Remaining UNITED with their biological families is what's best for kids! Please support this new fund.....

And there is a contest that we can all benefit from as well. :) One lucky person will win a beautiful coffee table book, some earrings, a Love without Boundaries tee shirt, and a gas gift card to 7-11!! All you have to do to enter this contest is send an email to info@lwbmail.com and say “I support helping rural children in need.” That will get you one entry. Putting this contest on your blog will get you five entries and making a You Tube Video will get you 50 entries. So, yes, I want those entries, and that is one reason for this blog post. However, I truly believe in Love without Boundaries and their mission to help orphaned Chinese children. They are my very favorite charity. And this contest got all of you another Grady update!

So, please donate to this very worthy cause and tell others as well. Here is the link for more information if you desire: Love Without Boundaries

To send your $1 to keep a child with his family, please send it here: LWB, 306 S. Bryant, Ste. C-145, Edmond, OK 73034

I'll let you know what comes of the hearing test!

Grady is doing well

Here is Grady sleeping peacefully in his car seat in his crib on Wednesday night around 10 pm when I was on my way to bed. (Grady was to sleep in his car seat to keep his head properly elevated and to aid in healing). Jonah's bed is right next to the crib and he was sleeping soundly as well.


I went in to the boys' room at 6 am to check on Grady and give him his pain medication. When I walked in, I saw that Jonah was asleep, but in the crib all I saw was the empty car seat and Grady's no nos (arm restraints) splayed across it. He had gotten out of the car seat and the no nos and was happily lying on his back with his hands in his mouth. This really scared me because the surgeon had warned us that the no nos had to be worn to ensure a good recovery. So, I picked him up and took him into Ryan. Ryan inspected him for damage while I went to retrieve the no nos. There was dried blood on his hands which makes us think that he had his hands in his mouth for awhile. The outside of his lip looked fine, but we were scared to check the inside because we thought that we might damage it by lifting it up to check. We're hoping it's ok.

Later that morning when the plastic surgery clinic opened, I called the nurse to tell her about the Great Escape. She just asked if it looked ok and I said that it did. So, hopefully it's fine. Then I asked her about how much I was supposed to be feeding him since we had so much trouble getting him to eat from the syringe when we were home on Wednesday. She asked me how much he usually drank before the surgery and I told her that he had baby food and 24-27 ounces a day of formula. So, she said that we should be aiming for 24-27 ounces of formula a day. Nice.

Jonah had a playdate planned for Thursday. Some friends were taking him to the Museum of Nature and Science. Unfortunately, one of them got sick. Jonah was pretty disappointed about not being able to go, so I ended up taking him (we have a membership to that museum) while Ryan stayed home on formula feeding duty. We did manage to get some more formula in Grady that day.

Grady was feeling much better on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and was much more into playing. We all even went to a playdate with our playgroup at the park on Friday. Here's some pictures.


Honestly, this surgery recovery is really good for attachment purposes. We have of course been working on attachment since China. Children from orphanages have trouble attaching to their families because they might not know how to depend on adults for comfort. He has to depend on us for comfort, rocking, feeding, etc. and he seems to appreciate us even more than he did before the surgery. I was really, really nervous about this surgery recovery, but much like the adoption process, it has been much easier than I expected. Therapy and helping him learn things has been much more challenging for me than surgery. And it is a challenge that I truly enjoy.

The awesome plastic surgeon called on Friday night at 8 pm to check to see how Grady was. It was so nice and so totally above the call of duty! I was in the boys' room trying to help them with going to sleep (I was unsuccessful....Jonah ended up reading to Grady from his bed of his own accord which put them to sleep for which I was so grateful. What an awesome big brother!!!!) Ryan talked to the surgeon and asked if it would be ok for us to feed Grady with the bottle since eating and sleeping have been the major challenges post surgery. The surgeon said that creating suction would disturb the suture. However, Grady never has had suction or used any special cleft feeders. He uses regular baby bottles with a wide cut nipple. He just chews the nipple on the non- cleft side and gets the formula down his throat that way. His lip doesn't even close all the way. So, the surgeon said that we could feed him with a bottle if there was no suction. That has made things much easier, although sleep is still a little bit difficult since Grady wishes that he could put his hands in his mouth.

Tomorrow, Ryan is taking Grady to get his stitches removed. I will be taking Jonah to his first ever dentist visit. Apparently, we are a doctor- going family!! :)

Happy Father's Day to everyone!